JAFFE COMMUNICATIONS GIVES ITS TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
NEWARK – The founders of our great country likely never debated the issue of Ebola response as they were writing drafts of the Constitution in the steamy Philadelphia summer of 1787. There’s now this huge gap that needs fixing, as the Obama Administration says the Constitution blocks the feds from instituting a single national order. With the inconsistencies, and the crazy, self-interest of partisan politics, we now have this maddening patchwork of state policies. We have governors likely running for President with their own perspective and public health advocates crying out for some type of universal policy, based on science, not politics. We’d suggest authority be ceded to the feds, but what state politician would allow that?
GLEN BURNIE, Md – Sure, there is the growing concern about Ebola. But, hey, it is one week until Election Day and our elected leaders have their priorities. Gov. Chris Christie was back on the campaign trail last night, in Groton, Conn. to stump for Tom Foley in the tight governor’s race. Today, Christie is in Maryland to campaign for Larry Hogan, running for governor. Christie will be back at a diner – this time the “Honey Bee Diner” in Glen Burnie. After a career in politics, Christie could probably write a great travel guide called “Chris Christie’s Favorite American Diners” – just from all his campaign whistle-stops this year. We’d be happy to ghostwrite and eagerly await his phone call.
PRINCETON – One of the many benefits of attending Princeton University is that you could run into the Dalai Lama at the gym. He’ll be appearing in the Jadwin gymnasium this morning, and then chit-chatting with university professors and students about, you know, stuff this afternoon. And, because it is Princeton, expect there to be your standard gaggle of protesters. They’ll be saying the Dalai Lama has contributed to opposition to Tibetan Buddhists who are followers of the deity Dorje Shugden. Meanwhile, expect the Dalai Lama to be taking selfies with the sorority pledges.
IN THE WOODS – And speaking of unusual selfies: As more and more people hit the trails to enjoy the New Jersey foliage, wildlife experts are noticing an alarming trend: hikers seeking the perfect selfie with a bear. While conventional wisdom (and common sense) has always stipulated that you stay a safe distance from bears, the U.S. Park Service feels compelled to remind visitors that bears may not be so eager to appear on your Instagram account. That said, limit the selfies to yourself.
NOT IN THE WOODS – Love is in the air – and it’s a real headache for the auto insurance companies. This is full-on mating season for deer, which means you’ll regularly see a love-starved buck darting across the road in search of his next, er, date. AAA wants to you to keep an eye out for these guys, and to Stop! In the Name of Love if you see them darting near the road. Flashing high beams and some light honking may also work – unless the buck thinks he’s just entered a rave.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
EVERYWHERE – Prepare. These next sentences will change your life. There is yet another version of a baked good coming your way – a hybrid of a croissant-donut being unveiled at Dunkin Donuts on Monday. What do you call this thing? For lack of a better marketing term, we can call it the tried-and-true “Cronut” or perhaps a “Dossant.” When Dunkin tested it in South Korea last summer, it was called the “New York Pie Donut.” In any case, try your first Dunkin Cronut (or Dossant) at the one of 6,000 Dunkin Donut franchises within a mile of wherever you may currently be.
AT THE STORE – Anyone who loves to write bad things about Walmart has the perfect story this morning. The retail mega-giant featured an awful Halloween category on its website titled “Fat Girl Costumes.” CNN reports that Walmart quickly took down the inexplicable goof, sending out an apology tweet after an outcry on social media.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1949 that track star Bruce Jenner was born. His current face was born, apparently, two or three years ago.
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